MAKE NEW FRIENDS ...

Any former Girl Scouts in our readership?

The phrase should be familiar – and it stayed in our memories after attending a GS Tribute Dinner a few weeks ago.   Where we were, indeed, meeting new acquaintances.

But ‘pinged’ in a different way.  There’s been much ado, for years, about networking:  the how-tos, not-tos, remember-tos, and business card-tos.  A number of MBA schools are now, in fact, teaching the soft skills of U.S. work connections to international students who don’t understand the intricacies of our culture.  So they learn, at lunches and after classes, the ins and outs of email greetings and small talk at networking events.

What, however, is lacking in many American skill sets is the art and craft of relationships.  A number of our colleagues, having found a new job, quickly drop all the connections they’ve carefully garnered to get employed.  Or they, suddenly, forgot the help and kindnesses of strangers. 

No, it’s not a complaint.  Rather, we’re pointing out that relationships in the workplace can make or break a career.  Genuinely caring about your compatriots is not necessarily a gender trait.  Nor is touching base frequently with peers, upper management, team members, and staff a brown-nosing activity.  It’s through the give and take, the honest exchange that, quite frankly, builds business and success.  Sharing knowledge, stories, and emotions gives us a personal face, one that’s okay to reveal in the workplace.

Technology makes it oh-so-easy to connect, hassle free.  Isn’t it time we take the IT out of our relationships?

REWORKING OUR NET

At yesterday’s lunch, we overheard – okay, deliberately – a twinned table talking about business development, referrals – and networking.

[Yeah, we like to eavesdrop.  It reveals a whole ‘nother side of humanity.  Sometimes funny or not.  But always enlightening.]

That started us on the topic, and the ways in which we abuse networking.  Just remember these various and sundry conversations:

“Boy, my business isn’t what it should be.  Gotta start networking … again.”

“Alice just got laid off.  Wonder when she’s gonna understand the value of networking.”

“I’m going to a (fill in the blanks) conference next month.  Guess I better stock up on my business cards as hand-outs.”

The concept of one-way connections just doesn’t work anymore.  Sure, information on individuals is more plentiful than ever, whether we Google, LinkIn, gtweet, or otherwise contact new and old acquaintances.  And the e-friendships do work, at least for a while.

Cynical-ness and skepticism, though, win out.  In the back of our minds:  What does s/he want?  Why are they bothering with me – and I’m not sure I can do anything?

Here’s our solution:  Swap the word for ‘relationshipping.’  It better connotes what we should  be doing:  Giving, rather than receiving.  Asking for the beginnings of a business friendship.  Inquiring about your health and welfare first, then, later, talking about me.  Providing value in the forms of time and thought, from scanning and sending an article of interest to mutually beneficial introductions.  Being old-fashioned enough to enjoy face-to-face conversations, and the delight of human connections.

Yup, it’s a favorite topic, one we tend to return to.  People, too.

LINKEDIN ... INSIDE

Now that the economy’s percolating a bit, the “gotta meetcha” dance has begun.

Or maybe it’s the spring onslaught of SpeedWorking (our term for the job-search waltz), business card exchange, and other tangible symbols of networking.  Bernanke and other gurus, after all, predicted that many who stayed in jobs for security reasons would be poised to move at the first signs of recovery.   

No question, many career moves are predicated on relationships – and long-term ones, at that.  On the other hand, many false steps are made when applicants get in touch so they can tout they’ve met so-and-so, ask to be introduced to such-and-such, or have divined the department’s long-term mission and, yes, are ready and willing to help.

That kind of networking isn’t our definition of an authentic relationship.

While thinking about true relationships, we’ve been increasingly drawn to the social architecture of LinkedIn and its applications inside.  The site clearly says you’ve somehow got to be connected – as friend, colleague, classmate, or other bond.  Otherwise, your introduction will be second-hand, through the kindness of a [check one] friend, colleague, classmate.  It’s a good way to ensure there’s a mutual benefit to Linking In.

The same is true for work relationships.  Connections matter.  More, better work gets done faster, say experts, with emotional ties that bond.  Gallup states that one measure of engagement is having a best friend at work. 

Which is why it’s so curious that facts and statistics, not emotions, seem to dominate many internal messages.  Rarely, in our experience, have we seen the type of rallying cry that resonates with the hearts, not just minds, of employees.  If there is some sort of appeal, it’s short term, limited to a specific initiative or project.  There appears to be little need, at least right now, to appeal to employees’ EQ into the future.

Once the market truly begins to offer plenty of new positions, we’ll watch with much interest what happens inside companies.   Productivity is tied to performance, which, in turn, is linked in part to forming and expanding the network of business friends.  Building on those relationships demands we, as staff, as managers, as leaders, and as consultants, open up, connect, and communicate with credibility, with empathy. 

Otherwise, we become the weakest links.